10 Funny Ways to Kill a (Fictional) Character

poxwomcxcs254x0I’m finally back to blogging after turning in three writing projects all with the same due date. It was a killer schedule. At times, I wished I were a character in my own story so I could fake my death and escape to a secluded tropical island. But, alas,—I was stuck in the real world of work and deadlines.

Let’s have fun this week brainstorming humorous ways to kill a fictional character. Here are 10 to get us started.

  1. Star football player is murdered by an imposter wearing his team’s mascot costume
  2. Small-town mayor dies when a clown on a motorcycle runs over him during  the town’s Founder’s Day parade
  3. Futuristic character is approached by a robot shooting paper airplanes–but one of the airplanes is loaded!
  4. Farmer gets locked in the hen house and is pecked to death by rabid chickens
  5. Drunk passes out in a big pile of leaves curbside and is scooped into a garbage truck
  6. Candymaker, working overtime and alone, drowns in a vat of chocolate
  7. Contestant dies after consuming 10 pounds of baked beans in an eating contest
  8. Grammarian is crushed when a shelf of dictionaries falls on him
  9. Fisherman on a river bank is killed when an eagle carrying a tortoise drops the tortoise on the fisherman’s head. (Don’t laugh, this really happened to Aeschylus, the great Athenian author of tragedies.)
  10. A large molasses storage tank bursts, and a wave of molasses rushes through the streets killing anyone in its path. (This actually happened in Boston in 1919.)

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If you are stuck looking for a unique way to kill off a character, Wikipedia offers a list of “real” unusual/ ironic deaths that occurred from 620 BC to the present. Also, check out Springhole.net’s “Cause of Death” generator, “Murder Mystery Victim” generator, and more.

It’s not easy coming up with unique/funny ideas to kill a character. Can you think of at least three? Add your ideas in the comments. (Please keep it clean and not too gory.)

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